Spotted: Bigfoot

This post was written by special guest reporter Monty.

Billy Gumption and Fern Timbucktwo are two of the world's finest scholars and experts in the field of Mystical Creature Nonsensical Research and Eventual Discovery. After decades of determined, tedious, and thorough work, the pair look to remove the terms 'Eventual' and 'Nonsensical' from their official title. The intense and seemingly everlasting hunt for the field's most coveted beast took a turn for the unexpected as a major discovery was made on April 23rd of 2020. A year that begs for distraction may find its relief as 'Doctors' Gumption and Timbuckthree have come out with evidence that will lead their long search for the legendary Bigfoot across the Atlantic.

After a 'still warm' potato-based food was found in a Sasquatch footprint, Gumption and Timbuckfour reported it to their forensic specialist Creighton Dimbly, whom, after careful examination and thousands of phone calls with nutritionists and Food Network stars around the world, came to the conclusion that the food was almost certainly a French fry.

Pictured: The evidence

After a 'still warm' potato-based food was found in a Sasquatch footprint, Gumption and Timbuckfour reported it to their forensic specialist Creighton Dimbly...

When this information was reported back to Gumption and Timbuckfive, they wasted no time booking the first flight to France. Gumption noted, "this new breakthrough points to the undeniable brilliance of Bigfoot. We must have been close to catching the monster, because he's headed to the country most known for it's liberally shaving people... he could be hiding in plain sight over there."

This new and unforeseeable obstacle proves that this new lead is just the beginning, but it is most certainly the beginning of the end.